Dear Diary,

Dear Diary,

In recent times I have lost some part of myself. In the words of Maya Angelou I feel as though I am “being pecked to death by ducks”.  I have, however come to a point where I don’t want this feeling any longer. I want more; more of the goodness and the happiness that seems to be eluding me. I have everything that should make me happy – a life partner, independent adult children, a close family, reasonable health,  a new career that I enjoy, a home, my garden, books. Yet here I am feeling that those metaphorical ducks are tearing pieces of me away.

I have been thinking about my friend Lavender and her quest to declutter her home and her life in recent times. I envy her strength and courage.  I have been reading academic articles and popular books such as Rubin’s Happiness Project .  I read back over an old blog entry I wrote in 2008 that was titled You shouldn’t get to 50 to learn this [ Things Learnt page] and somewhere, even though life is much, much better now and full of promise, somewhere, something in me has gone astray and I have lost connection with my own happiness.

So, I had a rare moment of introspection and realised that it was not happiness I seek, as I have happiness, and it was not more happiness that I seek as can happiness really be measured in quantities?  Surely one is either happy or not happy? No, it is more that I need to recognise and honour my own happiness, enjoy it  more and make the most of it.

As Colette wrote: What a wonderful life I’ve had! I only wish I’d realized it sooner.  It is time to reassess and appreciate what I have before it is gone. Kabir wrote:

My inside listen to me, the greatest spirit,

The teacher is near,

Wake up, wake up,

 

Run to his feet –

he is standing close to your head right now,

You have slept for millions and millions of years

Why not wake us this morning?

 

My inside listen to me. Me? What do I know? I am not sure how I am going to achieve this. Can I  find happiness in happiness? As I wrote earlier, I have been reading widely this week; over many years really, and I don’t think there is an easy answer to this. Gretchen Rubin suggests creating your own 10 commandments so maybe that is a starting point? No harm in trying I guess.

 Flamingo Dancer’s Top 10.

 

1. Do Something EVERY DAY. Don’t waste the day.

 

2. Keep a grip on reality and keep it in proportion. Check my perspective is balanced.

 

3. Act as I would feel. Even if I have to pretend for awhile.

 

4. Commit to what ought to be done and Do It NOW. Procrastinate no longer.

 

5. Enjoy the process. Live the moment, this may be as good as it gets.

6. Recognise my ghosts. Check the emotional baggage.

 

7. Stay calm. Some days all you can do is remember that the day will end, and to keep breathing.

 

8. Get physical. Give up the couch.

 

9. Do it with my style. My style is better than anyone else’s. Let us not forget that I am Flamingo Dancer!

 

10, Make time for passions, dreams and desires. Walk the talk.

Now what? Commit to what ought to be done and Do It NOW? I guess this is it.

 Goodnight, dear diary. Tomorrow is another day.

it is just a step to the left

On April 10th 1871 a one-legged dancer billed as Signor Donato made his dancing debut at the Theatre Royal, Melbourne.The Argus Newspaper commented: “The performance is clever, considering his unfortunate defect…With two legs he would no doubt be an excellent dancer”

It’s not what you’ve got, but what you do with what you’ve got isn’t it?

[From my vox blog : dated 28th April 2008]

it’s not what you say, but the way that you say it

FD : I have to go shopping today as we need groceries. I hate shopping for groceries.

Mr FD :  That is the problem with marrying a monoculture.

[The term monoculture is mostly used in agriculture and describes the practice of planting crops with the same patterns of growth resulting from genetic similarity. The term monoculture is also used where a single species of farm animal is raised in large-scale concentrated animal feeding operations. Mr FD is an agronomist or agricultural scientist.]

playing the field

In his dream last night, Mr FD suddenly found himself on a football field with no idea why or how he was there. He realised that he was behind the line and next thing he had the ball. He decided he had to kick the ball, but couldn’t because people kept coming at him, so he decided that he would just grip the ball and run as fast as he could. He dug his fingers into the ball to grip it, then suddenly there was a scream, and at that moment he woke up.

It was then that he realised that the scream came from his bed partner… and yes, I have a very sore area today just under my left armpit. I expect it will be sore for some time. At least he had the decency to apologise.

Take your minds where you will…

Tuesday was not just another day

Daughter1 and I had some mother/daughter time today and went to the Barracks to see a movie. The Barracks on Petrie Terrace was Brisbane’s first jail and has now been converted into speciality shops, restaurants and a cinema.

Before the movie we had lunch at the French Twist. I had a yummy smoked salmon, capers, cucumber and cream cheese on rye, and a delicious pot of Yorkshire Red tea that yielded three cups of tea and a little more!

French Twist - french themed pastries and delicious sandwiches

After lunch we browsed through the lovely little Coaldrake’s bookstore there and  I bought a copy of the novel The Elegance of the Hedgehog by Muriel Barbery which I intend reading tonight.

Upstairs at the Barracks is the cinema and so we purchased ticket to the movie The Reluctant Infidel, as well as a glass of white wine for me and a bailey’s and milk for Daughter1. So civilised watching a movie with a glass of wine, sitting in lovely comfy chairs, and no noise of children crying or yelling or being there! We did revert to a little bit of childhood ourselves and bought a box of maltesers each. We joked about pelting them at each other, but the truth was that we were like little piggies and snuffled them down before the movie had barely started.

The movie was more than enjoyable, and very funny, subtly funny which made it even more amusing. At the same time it addressed some important issues in our society such a religion and identity and hypocrisy amongst other discourses.

So after the movie, Daughter1 decided that there really was a book at Coaldrake’s that she couldn’t live without so we walked the 20 steps back to buy it. Of course, while waiting for her I found another book to desire and so bought a copy of Bluestockings by Jane Robinson. I have read other titles by Robinson and always enjoyed them and so expect the same from this book, which has the byline: the remarkable story of the first women to fight for an education. So many books to read, so little life.

We were going to buy ice creams from the French Ice Creamery  but changed our minds at the last moment and went back to the French Twist where we ordered pastries and this time I ordered a pot of Yorkshire Gold, which was a stronger blend than the Red which I preferred. Both very nice though. The same corner table was available to we reclaimed it and named it our table and so staked a claim to return very soon.

our table

Holidays, people, holidays. Try one soon.