floating on a sea of tranquility

Over the last few months I have been on my own quest, to cease chasing the big yellow taxi because I had fallen into the habit of not appreciating what I have had until it was gone (aka Joni Mitchell). This quest led to the only New Year’s resolution that I made to myself this year and that was to be authentic in all that I do, and with all the people in my life.

 For me, this has meant really embracing the moment, and having my conscious self come to terms with the world in which I live. This is not always easy, especially when I encounter negative external forces, such as the School Junta, with its attendant pressures and influences, and to be honest these forces were not always originating directly from the Junta, but usually were.

 However, I have slowly come to realise that the degree to which I am true to my own personality, spirit, and character, despite these assorted pressures, the more content, tranquil and resilient I have become.

The depth of my tranquillity has been the most astounding benefit I have received.. My attempt to live my life according to the needs of my own inner being, rather than the demands of my society, or my early conditioning by an anxious mother and the Sisters of No Mercy, has meant that I no longer struggle with the pressure to appear to be a certain kind of person, the pressure to adopt a particular mode of living, the pressure to ignore my own moral and aesthetic objections in order to have what I thought would be a more comfortable existence.  This has led to an overwhelming sense of tranquillity that I have never experienced at any time in my life.

 Now, through my  commitment to be authentic in all the areas of my life, I am freed  from behaving  inauthentically towards my own desires, and no longer obscure the  true reasons for acting.

 The level of tranquillity I now experience gifts me quiet repose and a once troubled disposition more free from stress and negative emotion than ever before. I have accessed a state of peace and quiet that has expanded not only my life, but I think my horizons as well.

 I have to work at maintaining this untroubled state, and I admit that there are times, in every day, when it is impossible to be free from disturbance. Also as Cummings wrote, it takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.  However, I have discovered that approaching each moment with authenticity means that I can finish each day in a more tranquil state of mind.

 Now, each day I remind myself that there is only one life for me to lead – my own. My commitment to authenticity has been my own amazing liberator.

20 thoughts on “floating on a sea of tranquility

  1. Onya, FD.

    “The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. To be your own man is hard business. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself.”: Rudyard Kipling – (1865-1936)

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    • Sometimes it is hard business but I am finding that the many and varied benefits far outway the effort. I sense that I have been on this path for the last couple of years without actually examining my thoughts and actions closely. I also suspect that maturity makes it an easier step to take.

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  2. Congratulations! You made it.
    It’s a fantastic feeling and one wants to hold on to at any given time. But like everything else it is “floating” sometimes it seems like it is slipping through the grip of your hands.
    But if you have been there once it’s easier to get back to that point and enjoy that sense of inner freedom again.

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    • True, there are times when I slip backwards, but each step forward strengthens my will power and does make it easier. It just becomes a no brainer in a very short time and now I don’t even have to debate any issue with myself, I just instinctively no the right path.

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  3. “the School Junta” — LOL
    Congratulations on finding your inner Zen master, even some of the time. I have found that living in the mountains has had a very calming effect on me. I really don’t know how I survived 34 years living in big cities!

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    • Living in the mountains must be wonderful. I am being drawn more and more to the sea. Every few weeks I start to get this thirst, that I need to walk on a beach and just expreince the ocean. I can feel it starting to stir again over the last few days.

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      • I’ve gone camping alone in the Sierra Nevada’s several times. Each time, for months before, I’d start to feel that “itch.” I’d plan out my vacation time well in advance and then go. Then the itch would be scratched for a while longer, until I needed my next nature fix. So I know exactly what you’re talking about!

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  4. I have been on the same quest, FD. However, I do not yet experience the tranquility of which you speak. The more determined I am to be authentic, I actually feel more of a pull against the forces of the status quo. Daily I seek to find a voice that will not offend, that will not create distance, that will mollify–and then I find I’m not being true to myself and my personal journey. Thanks for writing this. It challenges me to forge ahead.

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  5. I think they call this ‘life experience’. I think somewhere around the age of 50 most of us finally reach the same conclusion. We finally don’t give a fig about what others think of us. We start to become who we were meant to be. And for those that keep chasing, I feel sorry for them.

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  6. Age either brings tranquility through acquired wisdom, or increased stress through unresolved conflicts (with time running out). Well done on being in the former category.

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  7. It takes courage and commitment to be true to oneself. One must believe that oneself can be trusted enough to be true to. I can’t help but think the effort must be worth it.

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  8. Hi, Flamingo Dancer it’s me Foible Gal, great post, about being authentic and true to yourself and others, the key too is having no regrets…something I am struggling with currently and will write about eventually. I am currently on a quest to find authentic non pretenious people so I joined a knitting group. I’ll let u know how that goes. wishing you the best, Foible Gal!

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