the long wait

Mr FD has gone to sit by his father’s bedside tonight. FIL is not expected to live another 24 hours.

The children all went to see their Grandfather this afternoon. It is a very strange time. I can not speak for the emotions that Mr FD must be experiencing, but our children were denied a proper relationship with their grandfather due to his own attitude and treatment of the family, so they feel rather disconnected from him. I feel sorry for him as he is now suffering, and I do not think anyone should suffer in such a manner, but I have no real emotions about him. Well, not those of a positive kind. He is, was, a terrible husband, and an even worse father and nothing more can be said for the man.

SIL asked that FIL be given stronger pain medication this afternoon and the nurse replied that he couldn’t have morphine as “he might become addicted”! He should live so long! I am sure he will have something stronger before the evening is out. Sometimes you wonder if people think before they speak.

13 thoughts on “the long wait

  1. I’m truly sorry for the forthcoming pain Mr FD and family will soon be faced with. Your post today brought to life my feelings about family arguments. I have been lucky in that I don’t really experience those things but in getting together with my fiancee I’ve seen it first hand within their family. My reaction is and always has been that I really cannot be arsed. Life is too short at the best of times.
    Stay positive and be the wonderful person you are for FD. He can thank you by continued worship thereafter.
    Hugs from the UK


  2. Sorry to hear this but I do sympathise with the sentiments about how he has distanced himself.
    Agree: complete nonsense about becoming addicted to morphine. If it’s what he needs to allow him to die in comfort then so be it.


  3. not enough painkiller brings back terrible memories of my MIL who I loved deeply. The hospital treated her callously. We were able to bring her home which she wanted and to engage Hospice but only one day before she died. Dying is a business where people do seem to lose their senses.


  4. Sure you are there in the right way for Mr FD as he deals with this. Hope he is string enough after your bouts with flu.
    I can so sympathise with a relative who has driven people away and isn’t actually a nice person. The end is the end no matter what, but I think it makes it easier on those left behind when the emotions are thus tainted.
    Addicted to morphine with 24 hours left! Wonder if she had been sued before to come out with such poppycock.
    Thoughts are with you all.


  5. I should have said ‘I can sympathise with HAVING a relative who has driven people away and isn’t actually a nice person’.
    Otherwise it sounds like that is me! I hope not!


  6. It’s a rough time no matter the person involved. The anti-euthanasia argument has been that palliative care is now so good no-one dies in pain and misery. Sounds like the system still has a long way to go.


  7. That is Insane! hopefully…someone will relieve his pain. I understand that he was not a pleasant man, but…the comment about addiction is nuts and really someone should point it out to the nurse…
    Sometimes we (as nurses) are put in positions where we have to say No, but I find generally explaining the real logic behind it helps people more.

    I was fairly estranged from both my Grandfathers. One of the best things I did was take my Mom (who had a horrible horrible relationship with her Dad) to see him before he died. He was such a different man it helped heal a lot of her wounds. It does not sound as if this is the case currently though.

    Lots of kind thoughts to you and also Mr FD. and family.


  8. Going through my own “weirdness” with someone I relied on who failed me…it scares the hell out of me, how I’ll deal with my bio parents (who were horrible–they’re old and broken down now and can no longer do harm but they DID) when they shuffle off.

    My thoughts with your husband and I know it has to be helpless sitting where you are, too.


  9. My thoughts are with you all too….especially Mr FD.
    Regardless of the sort of life anyone has lived they are entitled to painlessly die with dignity


  10. I can certainly understand your mixed emotions here. I hope that someone will be able to give him something for his pain so that he’ll leave this world without suffering. My thoughts are with you and your family, FD.


  11. Poor Mr FD, these must be hard times for him, I hope he’s ok. GOF is right, even if a person is not nice, they should be allowed to die in peace and dignity if only to make it easier for the family who have to stand around and watch.


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