the spice of life

As happens on the odd Saturday morning (all right, frequently on a Saturday morning; regularly on a Saturday morning) I woke in a tiny, weeny bit of a mood. Nothing too bad, I just wanted to rip Mr FD’s head off and shove it where the sun don’t shine. No particular reason, no different to any other day; for most days I could happily render him undone. It is called marriage.

I thought it wise to restrain my natural inclinations of death and destruction and took my feelings of aggression out on our pantry. We have a walk in pantry and most of the time it looks like a tornado has passed this way. My mission is to work magic and prepare the house for sale; my devious plan is to appear as though the perfect life waits who so over buys our house. In other words, I am trying to channel Martha Stewart, without the domestic inclinations and pull at their emotional heart strings. I told you I was evil.

The pantry is a task that I have avoided for some time which became evident to me as soon as I started going through the spice rack. Racks. I still don’t know why I had four, yes FOUR bottle of chilli flakes (hot), but as most of them had a use by date of 2009 it wasn’t a subject that I lingered on long. In the end three garbage bags of spices and out of date food stuffs went into the bin. Yes, it occurred to me also that I could have possibly cleared the national debt of Greece and saved the Eurozone with the money wasted on excess, but perhaps it is best to thank the Big Whatever that no one has died from food poisoning in the Flamingo Dancer family in the recent past.

At least I found nothing dated with an expiry date prior to 2003. We moved into our house late 2002 which is no doubt the last time anything was culled, and we would have restocked when we thought we had a need after that. Notice I said, thought we had a need? Most of the spices were unopened. Obviously about that time I must have been imagining I was a gourmet cook and needed every variety of spice. I think it was the period when Martha Stewart got parole and I became addicted to watching her show, thinking I actually wanted to cook. Happily, I fought the good fight and reformed my Martha ways, though it was a close thing. I knew I was too close to the dark side when I started contemplating edge designs for shelf liners.

It is easy to make decisions about throwing things when you know that you not only have to pack it to move, but you may be the one carrying it out to the moving van and from the moving van to its new cupboard! So, maybe I have found the penultimate in minimalism and decluttering. Just move. A little excessive though, but it does seem to have its merits.

This will be our sixth move and I must say that I have become hard hearted over recent years. I must have been a marshmallow in the past as I have come across more than a few boxes (and not just boxes of books) that we should have thrown out before the last move and didn’t. In the end it always comes down to physical exhaustion and deadlines, both causing things to be packed and included in the camel caravan, instead of binned. Knowing we will be downsizing too is a great motivation.  I don’t want to be a slave to my house, garden or belongings anymore!

Tonight, I will fall into bed tired, but experiencing those superb feelings of superiority that one always feels after completing some domestic duties. I shall bask in my own glory, and hope that tomorrow I can still walk from all the bending and stretching in the pantry. If not, I may just have to rend Mr FD as a morning stretching exercise.


15 thoughts on “the spice of life

  1. Loving the new outfit. Should be rolled out to all budding Home Goddesses.
    Admiration felt for your hubby – does he recover quickly from the morning rendings?
    I have my own Jabberwock every morning and our eldest daughter is in training – she’s at Level 2 having attained ‘claws that scratch’ and is working towards Rending and First Fang.


  2. uggg, moving! When I first divorced my husband, I moved myself thirteen times in two years. I found I could no longer live with ANYONE so I ran from this place to that. I finally landed where I am now, ALONE. My place is paid for so I will NEVER move again. I feel for you. The only good thing that comes out of moving is the cleaning out that you are doing. Just don’t get crazy with it like I did and get moved in and find you don’t have half the stuff you need because you through it all out! lol

    Poor little Mr. FD! Don’t hurt him too bad honey.


  3. A friend is cleaning out her mother’s home so that she and her husband can move in with her. Her mother is a hoarder. They’ve taken out three large dumpsters and ten smaller dumpsters full of stuff mom has hoarded over the years. They found spices dated 1969. You’re doing fine.


  4. As an anti-clutter nazi and passionate minimalist, I truly shudder at the STUFF most people accumulate and the way they live their lives amongst it. Though I’ve imparted this wisdom a thousand times, sadly it falls on deaf or foreign ears: The Stuff You Own Owns You. True impoverishment and poverty also have a way of teaching some people what TRULY has value and what TRUE needs are. You aren’t there, FD, and you won’t be that poor in this lifetime. But there is another way to learn about the meaning of TRUE value. Through books. Books by survivors of America’s Great Depression. It may expand your understanding. Just one suggestion: Please borrow the book from a library so as not to add to your stuff. 😉


  5. Your pantry pales in relation to all the crammed “Storage Units” we have here. Most of them full of worthless stuff that will never be worth the monthly, yearly payments made to store such. I have to laugh at the reality show “Storage Wars” where people bid on a unit that the renter has defaulted on payment. So, now people are buying other people’s junk in order to find that diamond ring or other item of value and are mostly disappointed. What next, they rent a locker to jam in all the stuff they buy. Makes no sense to me.


  6. I don’t envy your moving FD…..when we eventually sell this place it will be as a “job lot”….whoever takes it will automatically inherit all the crap as well……there are not enough dump trucks in FNQ to cart all of it away.


  7. Good for you. Moving is not my favorite thing to do, but you’re right, it does help you to get rid of stuff. Unless of course you are as disorganized as I am and don’t have time to go through stuff and just shove it all into boxes–if it’s not already in boxes from the last move–and say “I’ll deal with it later!” Ugh. Okay…I need to find motivation to get my decluttering started since I wasn’t feeling well yesterday, so this definitely helps. I need to go through my pantry and cupboards and refrigerator too, but it’s not top of my list. I never cooked much so I haven’t accumulated all that much, but it does need organizing and I know there are a few things that need to be tossed. But probably not this weekend. Other rooms are in worse shape! Good luck with the rest of the move!


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