move over Julia Childs, Martha Stewart and Jamie Oliver, here comes Flamingo Dancer!

I strained my shoulder preparing a leg of lamb for the oven. It was a dead leg. I didn’t have to go out and rope a live lamb, or anything as adventurous as that. I merely had to take it out of its vacuum sealed pack. And that is how I was injured.

SIL dropped in on Tuesday with a leg of lamb that she intended roasting in our oven so that we could use it for meals the following day when I wanted to devote the day to final house decluttering. It was to be waiting for me when I came home from work. However, by the time she made the half hour trip across town with it, her plans changed and she decided to go to the movies. So, the leg of lamb became my task.

I arrived home to have Mr FD inform me that I now had extra cooking on my clean-up day. He didn’t quite understand my hesitancy over his sister’s thoughtfulness. Deciding I really had other battles to win, I said no more and accepted my fate.

Next day, I took the meat parcel from the fridge and cut the seal with the kitchen scissors. I pulled on the plastic, but nothing gave. I cut more plastic and grabbed more handfuls of packaging, but it still refused to give. Repeat and repeat again.

The vacuum seal was so tight that the inside layer of wrap was actually impaled into the top layer of the meat. I positively had to wrestle that damn lamb leg across the kitchen bench and back again. I screamed at Mr FD in the next room that I was going to need a lie down after freeing the damn roast. He chose to ignore me. He also chose to ignore the fact that I was muttering nasty things about the past three generations of his family as well.

One more heave and the leg was free of its shroud, just as I felt my right shoulder screamed in protest. I required pain killers to get through the next day.

Mr FD may need painkillers a lot longer than that though, once I recover, for if he didn’t have such a “thoughtful” sibling, I would have a functioning shoulder.

And the lamb roast? It was baked with a layer of mustard and eaten accompanied by roasted vegetables, gravy and a sense of sweet revenge.  I was very careful with the carving knife though.

9 thoughts on “move over Julia Childs, Martha Stewart and Jamie Oliver, here comes Flamingo Dancer!

  1. I recognise the packaging. I often wonder what exactly the manufacturers expect us to do. I howled through your description [but was suitably sombre about the shoulder and incensed with Mr. F]. You do give me great joy with your blogs.

    margo

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  2. No video?

    There’s an old mystery story about a woman who beat her husband to death with a frozen leg of lamb. The police cannot figure out the murder weapon, so they cannot charge the woman with the murder. When they arrive at her home for an interview, she is cooking the leg of lamb in the oven. She invites the detectives to stay and dine, and they unknowingly eat the evidence.

    Not trying to put ideas in your head either … this just made me think of that story.

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  3. more boring comment – but I always coat pork roasts with prepared mustard and cracked black pepper – then we fight over the outside pieces. Lamb is almost never available in the American midwest but I liked it the few times we have had it. Seems like it was usually dressed with lots of garlic and olive oil.

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