the naked truth

Martin Munkacsi 2

All the cares of my world were whirling and snarling around in my brain this morning as I sat predawn on the patio hand feeding cone head Augie Dog his rice and chicken breakfast (no greater love has a woman for her dog…. you know the rest). Sick and ageing mothers, colicky babies, sick puppies, and the state of the world in general were a portion and I was giving in to the sad faces when the sound of a bird way up in our tallest gum tree caused me to raise my head and look towards the early morning sky.

Silhouetted against the blue black sky was our lovely garden that we have inherited from the previous occupants. Trees, shrubs, grasses and the wildlife that inhabits them is gifted to me every single day and I never cease to marvel at the time, effort and dedication that others have put into my precious garden.

The wildlife is not restricted to the garden either. In the kitchen I discovered a little large lizard. I have no idea which lizard is which, I just scream “lizard!” and leap about the house calling for Mr FD. The long ago silently agreed consensus was that Mr FD coped with lizard, frogs and cleaning up vomit and I did spiders, his relatives on the phone and the Christmas cards.

My efforts were directed in keeping Augie away from the lizard, but with his cone head I doubt he would have stood much of a chance, but I wasn’t going to be blamed for any set back in his recovery, so I occupied him by alternating between calling “puppy, puppy!” and “Mr FD, a lizard”.

It was 5.30 in the morning and Mr FD knew there was no way his day was not about to start, so he slowly came out to our rescue. Naked.

N-a-k-e-d. Naked.

Think naked bald, hairy pear shaped creature with short thin legs.

I handed him the broom and pointed in the direction of the last sighting of our invader.

“It’s a gecko!” he sighed.

It didn’t look like any gecko I had ever seen, it was huge, but like everything else in the country it came in the free range jumbo size.

”You’re sure it’s not a baby goanna?” I needed convincing.

It’s a gecko, you mad woman”.

It was at this stage that I reminded MR FD that he was naked and told him to take a look at what happened to Augie’s manly bits, so he pursued his conversational direction no more.

Mr FD chased the MUTANT MONSTER gecko around the kitchen, through the family room and out onto the patio where he stood sweeping the gecko towards the great outdoors and freedom. NAKED.

So, for the second time this morning I was thankful for our tall lumbering trees and thick undergrowth; for it hid Mr FD’s nakedness from the passing public. Or at least we can hope it did.

Mr FD returned the broom to the cupboard and returned to bed, his heroic duties done. I put an extra tea bag in my mug not sure if the day was looking up or down…

tea 3

17 thoughts on “the naked truth

  1. Brilliant. Thank you. I needed picking up and that did the job. I pictured a rotund Gollum leaping around your kitchen. Hope the rest of the day was as jolly.


    • How very accurate- a rotund bearded hairy bald gollum is the description I should have chosen! It’s always comforting to know that others lead a life worse than your own, isn’t it; especially if it means seeing how the mighty ( me) have fallen!


  2. Last time wildlife woke me up that early in the morning, it was a large robin that had swooped in through an open window while I was watching over my grandparents’ house during one of their trips. According to family, it’s the only time they know of that a bird has flown in through that window, which has been opened frequently so that kitties could come in and out. One of their cats watched as I opened the front door and then spent the better part of ten minutes chasing that poor robin back and forth between the living room and dining room in an effort to get it to fly out the open door. I can only imagine what the cat thought of my bird chasing efforts.


    • Well, in my opinion I get the rough end of the pineapple, because he rarely chases lizards naked, though he has been known to garden in his boxer shorts now and again, but Christmas cards come around every year!


  3. Mr FD and I would do well together – I sometimes go out to start laundry and toss in whatever I’m wearing. And I don’t have a wall of trees – but the fence i mostly high enough.


  4. I’m imagining the gecko reporting the event to the rest of the local wildlife.
    After the mad-nekked-broom-wielding monster tale gets around, you may find you end up with fewer such visits in the future.
    (If not for those pesky bushes, you might have thinned out the neighbor visits as well.)


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