bell, book and carrot

carrots 2

Early morning drive to school, listening to Neil Gaimam and Terry Pratchett’s story, Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch (1990).

 I was visualising the description of the M25 London orbital; “ lorry blocked the road. And the corrugated iron blocked the road. And a thirty-foot-high pile of fish blocked the road. It was one of the most effectively blocked roads the sergeant had ever seen”  as the four riders of the apocalypse, Death and Famine and War and Pollution riding on their Harleys passed through the blockade, followed by the four human wannabe “real” Hell’s Angels : Grievous Bodily Harm, Cruelty To Animals, Things Not Working Properly Even After You’ve Given Them A Good Thumping but secretly No Alcohol Lager, and Really Cool People, who were not quite as successful at passing.

I rounded a slight bend in the road and found the road covered in carrots; large fresh carrots. No accident to perceive, no truck seeking its load, just carrots splayed across the bitumen like willing sacrifices to the juice blender god.

It explains so much about my life – all this time I have been a bit player in a fantasy novel about the apocalypse. So many questions answered.

Now the question is : who are you and are you real?

6 thoughts on “bell, book and carrot

  1. to answer your question: no idea and probably not.
    i often think someone like Pratchett is writing our lives. i think he/she/it bursts into fits of excited giggles when they think of the next idiotic way to complicate our lives. After all, “Life was good as (insert your name here) sipped a tall drink while watching the palm trees nod. money, love and luck were all maxed. it stayed like this until they died.” just doesn’t sound interesting, does it.


  2. Very few of us are real.

    I have a theory that somewhere there’s one person sitting at a computer with several dozen different online “identities” leaving comments and having ‘conversations’ with himself all over the internet.

    So … how many carrots did you pick up?


  3. My children went through this “Matrix” phase where they joked about everything being the product of a giant computer which downloaded images and sensations into our nervous systems somewhere in a giant laboratory. It became an excuse for not doing homework or chores, or returning phone calls to their mother: “It’s not real….” Several groundings and deprivation of favorite toys like the Playstation convinced them otherwise. Pain is a reminder that while we may not believe everything we read or see, our bodies certainly exist in a real world. 🙂


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