Come on do the Jerk!


My arm flying above my head in a crazed impersonation of a one armed tarmac air traffic controller, I wondered what would happen if, as in the eruption of  Mt Vesuvius, disaster struck and I was instantly frozen in my position. What would future generations make of the middle aged woman sitting upon the toilet pedestal waving her arm above her head?

It is not a long story. Some times the royal evacuation system does not function as well as is required, often thanks to the side effects of this medication or that medication, and it means a little longer linger in the smallest room in the house.

Our throne room has a motion sensor exhaust fan, and if the Royal One contemplates life and the world in general for too long motionless (heavy thinking, man) the fan clicks off, thus demanding some form of motion to restart.

I have experimented with this motion requirement to ascertain just how much physical movement the fan requires to commence its cycle. The lifting of a finger is not enough, though an exaggerated sway from right to left does a fine job; as does the lifting of the lower arm and  the waving of the hand.

My personal favourite is a seated rendition of the 1960s dance routine, the Jerk (as a small child with a sister eight years older I was force fed Bandstand on a regular basis, so I know these things people). I am of the opinion that while it does not add to the 10,000 daily step requirement, the thrusting of the arms upward and downward three or four times does constitute burning of a few kilojoules. There is a developing theory that the downward thrusts may also assist in the gravity pull on other areas, but the data is still being processed.

I am working on the Mashed Potato as well. I may suggest that Mr FD try, Shake, Rattle and Roll…

14 thoughts on “Come on do the Jerk!

  1. When I was a college student, the university installed motion sensors for lighting in the professor’s offices. It was quite funny to see them thrashing about to keep the lights on!


    • We bought our Dad a key ring that peeped at the sound of clapping so that he could find his keys. The problem was that it would beep like crazy when the singing started in Sunday Mass – short life.


  2. randomness: My dad went to school with the less famous Righteous Brother. I met the famous one i my late teens because he ran some clubs out here and my BFF won an ESSAY contest and got to sing on stage with him. It went about as well as you’d expect an ESSAY contest, to find a singer, would go (my friend had a TERRIBLE singing voice but thought she was amazing).


  3. At least you don’t have motion-sensor lights in the bathroom! One of the colleges I attended had them installed as an energy-saving device, but it meant that if you didn’t move for awhile, you suddenly would be sitting in pitch darkness. I used to wave a newspaper or magazine (do people still read those?) to get the lights to come back on: Unfortunately, there was one stall which was apparently out of the sensor’s view, so no matter how much you waved, the lights wouldn’t turn on. There was one day where some hapless freshman began screaming in panic because she was afraid of the dark and couldn’t get the lights to turn on. If only they were sound-triggered as well!


  4. Do the mashed potato,…. come on… how awesome is that, I would love motion activated lights in my bath, as HG suggests.


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